


Doppelgängers are real, RIGHT?

by betheflame



Series: Shorts & Drabbles 2020 [14]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Actor Steve Rogers, Alternate Universe - No Powers, M/M, POV Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:42:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24458392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betheflame/pseuds/betheflame
Summary: Everything in James Barnes' professional life was fine - until someone leaked his top client's PornHub history and it turns out that all the videos in Steve Rogers' favorites star actors who look a lot like him.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Shorts & Drabbles 2020 [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1647499
Comments: 13
Kudos: 244





	Doppelgängers are real, RIGHT?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thatsmysecret](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsmysecret/gifts).



> This all started because Alex and I have long and inappropriate conversations on WhatsApp - including speculating on what kind of porn Evans watches. 
> 
> Thank you to ko for the "YES WRITE THAT" and to Ferret for the cheerread. 
> 
> A Bucky Barnes Bingo fill for B3: "Phone Sex" because foreplay is a big part of sex, after all.

When James Barnes went to bed on the 69th day of lockdown, he assumed day 70 would be much like the ones that preceded it. He’d workout as best he could in his 800sqft loft, and then shower and change into his daytime pajamas, as opposed to his night time pajamas. He’d spend all of that time - including the time in the shower - on constant alert because even though all of his clients were hypothetically in quarantine as well, they still managed to be pains in his ass.

For example, he had one starlet who had moved in with an aging divorced actor and had decided that a global pandemic was the greatest time to get photographed while going out and about. He’d gone through two bottles of Tums already over that.

James had worked his way up at Parkner & Callahan - one of New York’s oldest established public relations agencies - starting in the mailroom while he was still a student at Rutgers and then doing several unpaid internships during his summers. He’d known he wanted to be in public relations of some fashion since he was in high school and saw exactly how much the proper spin could change someone’s life.

PR had been a particularly interesting game in the last few months as the world went inside. Press tours he’d meticulously planned were suddenly on Zoom and everyone seemed to assume his clients would transition well to that platform since they were used to being on camera. James had to explain to _far too many_ people about how his clients were never on camera without proper lighting, makeup, and sound design. Zoom from their kids’ closet was not exactly the same.

There had been more temper tantrums than the general public would like to know, but he did have one completely wonderful client who had given him zero headaches and was just a total dream from top to bottom. Steve Rogers was America’s Boyfriend for about four hundred reasons - he was kind, adored animals and children, was exceptionally selective in his roles and only chose projects where everyone on set was paid appropriately and treated with dignity. He famously quit the project that was rumored to be Oscar worthy because he found out the producers were paying his female co-star significantly less than him.

As a client, he was also low maintenance and fundamentally obedient. His one diva-esque request was that he refused to live in LA, spending most of his time instead in his sprawling log cabin he’d built in rural Massachusetts. He showed up on time to whatever he was supposed to be doing and made James’ life so easy.

His literal only flaw was that he was straight as an arrow and sometimes James felt guilty wanking off to fantasies of straight dudes.

But back to Day 70.

The day that didn’t go like it was supposed to.

Instead, his phone started buzzing off its charger at 5:45am with the special rhythm reserved for his best friend and colleague.

“Nat, it is zero dark thirty, why are you awake?” He grumbled as he glared at the device.

Which was absolutely full of notifications.

_Buzzfeed News: Hackers release PornHub accounts, including some of our favorite celebs._

_CNN: DOJ promises investigation after 3 Senators’ pornography accounts are leaked._

_Buzzfeed: Who knew today was going to be the day we all learned another meaning for valedictorian?_

“There’s another meaning for that?” James said to himself as he opened Nat’s text.

_Nat: 911. They got Rogers._

James’ heart started to beat faster. They? Who is they? What does ‘got’ mean? Is Steve okay? Steve has to be okay. He fumbled to call Nat.

“What do you mean they got Rogers,” he said in lieu of a greeting.

“Good morning, James,” Nat said sweetly, which meant that she was pissed. James just hoped it wasn’t at him because a pissed Nat usually meant pain for him.

“Good morning, Natalie.”

“Not my name.”

“Don’t care.”

“They are the hackers who got into PornHub last night and leaked the search history of about 300 people, nearly all of them important in some way. Anonymous is claiming responsibility because they want to help America get over their fear of sex,” Nat snorted the last line.

“Well, thanks for your service,” James retorted. “So…”

And then it dawned on him.

‘They got Rogers’ meant that Steve’s history was leaked.

Which meant Steve Rogers looked at porn.

America’s Boyfriend _did not look at porn._

“So,” Nat interrupted. “You got a fun day ahead of you.”

“They get any of yours?” James asked as he scrambled out of bed and towards the shower. Working out would wait and so would eating, but the shower would give him time to plan.

“Yeah, but no one that’s going to shock anyone like Rogers is going to. Did you know he was gay?”

“ROGERS IS GAY?”

“Or at least he likes his porn actors of the male persuasion,” Nat replied. Her tone gave nothing away, per usual. “But this history is very, very full of dick.”

James swore the room started spinning. “Oh, fuck, this is not good.”

“You a gay homophobe, Barnes?”

“Fuck off, Nat,” James said good naturedly. She knew that’s not what he was saying. “No, it’s just this is the worst kind of news to break when people have nothing else to do.”

“A few of the folks are already putting ‘Steve Rogers’ Preferred Porn’ in their profiles,” Nat replied.

James reached blindly in his nightstand for his antacid bottle. More Tums. This day needs more Tums. “Okay, hanging up with you now and then calling him.”

“Actually,” Nat’s voice was sharp and slow at the same time - like she was hesitant to say what she was about to, but it was imperative information. “You need to watch some of his videos first.”

“I get enough porn, Nat. I don’t need to jack off to strangers this morning.”

“No, James, just…” she sighed and he somehow felt it in his bones. “If you’ve ever trusted me before, trust me now. You have to look at a few before you talk to Rogers.”

“Fucking weird, Nat, but sure,” James agreed and then ended the call. He pulled open his email and clicked on the link she’d sent him. He scrolled through the titles and admired Steve’s taste - they had some of the same favorite videos. The one of the large blonde man shaped like a Dorito and the brunette with the manbun and the…

James’ hand flew to his head.

He was a brunette with a manbun.

Steve was a blonde shaped like a Dorito.

James watched these videos because….

DID STEVE WATCH THESE VIDEOS FOR THE SAME REASON?

His subconscious was in capslock as he kept scrolling.

“Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck,” James repeated over and over, like a rosary to the deities of pornography. “He is into… he likes… holy fuck, holy fuck.”

Suddenly, the phone was ringing and James started talking as soon as he answered.

“Steve, good morning, what a thing to wake up to, eh? We’ll get you out of this, we always do, but before we do anything else, I gotta ask, pal, or I’m going to go insane, is there a reason that 90% of your list features men who look like me? Because if you gotta switch to another agent because you hate me or something and this is like reverse psychology -”

“I don’t hate you,” Steve interrupted and James could practically hear the blush in his voice. “I don’t want another agent unless I have to have one and James, I am so sorry, I have no idea how they got my information, I’m so fierce about it, Tony is figuring it out now and I guess I need to let him install that full security system he’s been bugging me about but I didn’t really think I needed it, I mean, who cares what I think, I’m just, anyway, James, I’m so -”

“Rogers, you’re gonna have to breathe.”

Steve chuckled. “I’m a little frazzled.”

“Let’s start at the beginning,” James said, as his professional acumen started to come back online after it had short circuited due to the fact that it was possible that his best client, his favorite client, the client he’d never cross that line with because… Well, because he was a fucking professional, thank you very much - that that client wanted him or someone who looked like him.

“I wasn’t planning on coming out like this,” Steve said.

“Are you out to your family?”

“Very,” Steve said. “And I get that I owed it to people to be out but -”

“You don’t actually owe anyone jack shit but what you put on the screen, which is why you hired me, but it’s out there now, so let’s figure it out,” James said. “What do you want to do?”

“What I want is to not have my private preferences public fodder, but I guess that’s off the table,” Steve sighed. “Tony’s already taking care of Anonymous.”

“I figured he might be,” James laughed. Having one of the world’s foremost tech geniuses as his client’s best friend had come in handy a few times before. “So what do you want to do?”

There was a moment of silence and then Steve spoke. “I want to say this once and if it’s awkward, I want you to transfer me to Nat or someone else in the firm and you and I can just move on.”

“What? Steve?”

“That’s what I want. Do I get to say it on those terms or not?”

James shook his head from side to side, weighing his options. “Yes, Steve, you get what you want. What do you want to say?”

“The men all look like you and me because that’s what I want. You and me. Have for a while, but I don’t assume sexuality for -”

“Very gay, Steven,” James interrupted. “So gay that I do drag as Liza every Halloween. Very gay, and very interested.”

Steve was quiet, so James continued.

“We watch the same videos and it seems it’s for the same reason.”

Steve gasped and … _oh God, was that a whimper?_

“So Stevie, here’s what I say we do,” James said slowly, and added some growl to his voice so that Steve knew he was turned on. “Right now, we gotta get you on the morning shows - we’ll start with Gayle at CBS - and then, when you’re Americas’ Boyfriend again but just for a different part of America, we’re going to talk through some of those videos.”

“And then I’m going to call Nat,” Steve said, “and ask to be put on her client list, because I have a thing about fucking people on my payroll.”

“Have you broken quarantine?”

“Haven’t touched another person in 70 days,” Steve said.

“Even better than the original plan? As soon as we do your prep, I’m on my way.”

“I can do my prep by myself,” Steve flirted, “but I think your hands are bigger.”

“Fuck me,” James groaned.

“I’m trying to,” Steve laughed. “But yes, interview prep. I’ll go shower and clean up my beard and you set everything else up. I need 15 minutes.”

“Hey Steve,” James said quickly.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry about all of this.”

Steve sucked in a breath. “Yeah, it was a fun phone call with my mom this morning.”

“Oh my, what did Sarah say?”

“Oh, she said she was pissed it took someone breaking into my internet to give me the sign to ask you out, but that God worked in mysterious ways,” Steve said.

James howled with laughter. “Your mom is one of my favorite people.”

“She really likes you, too,” Steve replied. “And since you gave her your phone number, I’d imagine she’s going to be getting in touch.”

“Should I tell her I’m on my way to you to see if we can act out #6 on your most watched?”

“Sure, and while you’re at it, make sure to double check she knows what rimming is. I love when my mother knows sex positions,” Steve said dryly.

“You go shower,” James laughed, “and get your pretty puss ready for the cameras. I’ll do my job so you can do yours.”

“Thanks, James.”

“Pleasure, Steve.”

“No, that’s later. I promise.”

“And you keep your promises, eh?”

“Every single one,” Steve swore.

James hung up the phone and got to work, a grin splitting his face in half as he got his contact at _This Morning_ on the line and then texted the three people at Buzzfeed who owed him favors - seeing who would jump at an exclusive the fastest. Steve could officially come out on CBS and then talk about being gay on Buzzfeed and all generations would be happy. James was sure that a few people who planned on making a lot of money off Steve’s “America’s Boyfriend” persona in the coming years were going to be pretty pissed, but there were a few male/male romcoms floating around that James would just get his hands on instead. ‘Boyfriend’, after all, was a sexuality neutral term.

And one he planned on using himself as soon as he rattled his Jeep north and found out for himself exactly how close to reality those videos were.

____

Turns out? Reality is far superior to fantasy.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/betheflame1) or [Tumblr](http://betheflame.tumblr.com) for more on these yahoos. You can also submit prompts and cajole me into writing faster - it usually works. If you're on Discord, I'm definitely there, too, and probably hanging in the [Put on the Suit Stony Server](https://discord.gg/z5WSqbS) or the [PotsCast Podcast server ](http://www.discord.com/4NbA7wy). Speaking of... FestiveFerret and I have a [fandom podcast](http://www.podonthesuit.com) if you're so inclined.  
>   
> 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Doppelgängers Art](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28002060) by [HeyBoy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyBoy/pseuds/HeyBoy)




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